Thoughts on Technology, Part 3

hand washing, hand rinsing, line drying diapers while camping

You know how computers were supposed to save us all this time, so we would have more chances to spend with our families?  And cell phones were this amazing thing for emergencies?  And home washing machines and dryers were going to lighten the laundry load?  And vacuum cleaners would mean we no longer need to go beat our rugs clean twice a year?  And cars would help us get places quicker?

All of those are true.  But, they have surpassed their intended purpose, and have instead created more work. 

Think about it: computers are so ubiquitous that you are supposed to have access to one at all times; you should be able to, and are often expected to, check your work email on your weekends and proofread proposals and memos on your vacation.  You are expected to bring your work home with you.  I thought that the amazing thing about work vs school would be that there is no homework!  Even for us stay at home moms, we need to be "current" on Facebook, and know what the greatest holiday crafts on Pinterest are.

Cell phones certainly are used for emergencies--thank goodness, as almost all of the pay phones have disappeared!  But now, we keep our cell phones on all the time.  On us.  We take them to dinner, to the movies, to church, to the playground with our children.  And not for emergencies...for entertainment and conversation through the digital interface, instead of face to face with real people.

Now that we all have our own washers and dryers, we have more clothes.  We spot clean our clothes less.  We are less likely to have, as adults, work/play clothes, and "regular" clothes.  Fewer women wear aprons in the kitchen; fewer men wear coveralls in their home wood shops.  Because it is so "convenient" to clean our clothes, we don't worry about getting our clothes dirty.  Granted, this is also because clothes are so cheap, so they are easy to replace if they get stained or ripped.

A long time ago, people only had rugs.  "Carpets" did not really exist.  Rugs could be swept, but to be truly cleaned, they had to be taken outside and worked on for hours.  So that was only done a few times a year.  With the vacuum cleaners, it is much easier to keep rugs clean.  But because of this, we now have more rugs to keep clean.  And we are expected to keep them cleaner--after all, we have the modern convenience of vacuum cleaners.

Cars...don't get me started.  Do I own a car?  Yes.  Am I glad I do?  Yes!!!!  But because of cars, and because of how the American system of living and working is built on the automobile, we live far from our friends, and far from our work.  Many people live 10 or more miles from a grocery store or gas station!  Cars are supposed to make us more sociable, and help us to get around.  Instead, they have lengthened the distances between our friends and our families, and allowed us to live further from where we actually need to be.  Which means, of course, that we spend more time driving, and we don't end up getting anywhere much more quickly than when we lived in town with our friends.

All of those inventions and pieces of technology are wonderful things--or they can be, if you place limits on them.  I hope that we are not too involved with our technology and modern conveniences to stop and ask, "Who is serving whom?"

Thoughts on Technology, part 2

photo by Randall Persing, via AmishAmerica.com
 

I've been reading a lot more about the Amish.  And I'm not going to romanticize them...they are human just like us; and there are a host of reasons, other than the lack of air conditioning, that make me very thankful that I am not Amish!

But they do have some good points, and things to think about, especially as it comes to technology.

The Amish prove to us that it is not necessary for life fulfillment and happiness to have a Facebook "timeline", a laptop/netbook/iPad/Kindle, a cell phone, or any phone at all!, an MP3 player, Netflix, or elliptical trainers.  The Amish eschew items that we no longer even think about not owning, like vacuum cleaners, dish washers, cars, microwaves, and electric tea kettles.

I recently read that 90% of Amish youth decide to stay Amish and choose to be baptized into the Amish faith, and abide by all its rules.  This is even after they have their chance to wear "English" clothes and makeup and go to malls and movie theaters and experience the wonder that is the Internet.  They try this way of life out, and then they decide that these amazing technological things are not going to make them happier than community, family, tradition, hard labor, horses and buggies, and severely limited choices.

I find this very interesting.  Our culture keeps telling us that we need bigger (for houses and cars) smaller (for cell phones and computers) better faster cheaper NOW if we want to be happy.  And it seems that there is always some new technological advance being touted as the latest and greatest invention, and that finally THIS item will deliver on what the advertisers promise: an easier life, and a happier life.

But it rarely, if ever, does.  Community.  Family.  Tradition.  Time to think and create and play and do work you enjoy and find meaningful.  A true place to belong, and people to belong there with.  Connection--not Internet connectivity, but true and deep connection--these are the things that bring joy and peace to our lives. 

The Amish remind us that our use of technology is our decision.  And it is up to us to make wise decisions with it!

Musings on Technology, part 1

I am reading a book by Sara Donati that takes place in 1800.  In the first part of the story, Elizabeth's husband Nathaniel has to leave her and their infant twins to go to Montreal to rescue his cousin and father.  He is projected to return home in  4- 6 weeks, depending on the weather.  When they don't hear a word from him in 8 weeks, Elizabeth takes matters into her own hands and goes to Montreal to see what happened.

The whole time I was reading this portion of the saga, I kept thinking to myself "Good grief, if they only a cell phone!  Or email!  Or telegraph!  Heck, the pony express would be fantastic right about now!"

But it made me think a little bit...in this case, knowing if your husband even made it to Montreal without being attached by marauding bears or a cougar would vastly improve your quality of life.  It would legitimately make you happier.  I certainly enjoy the fact that Steve can call me from work and say, "Hey, something came up, but I should be home for dinner."  I then do not spend the next 3 hours fighting back images of him dying in a fiery airplane crash. 

So many times, though, technology does not actually improve our quality of life.  And when it does--let's say that having a computer with email capability legitimately makes you happier--then why do we think that we need faster/bigger/better/smaller/smarter version?  If your true happiness lies in emailing people to stay in contact with them more easily, then do you really need a machine that will connect you to the Internet in 2.3 seconds rather than 5?  Will getting a monitor with a larger screen be the key to your sense of fulfillment in life?  If the computer breaks, can you bear to part with it for a week, or less, while it is getting fixed, or must you have a new one THIS INSTANT because to go without Internet capability for even a few hours is an insurmountable obstacle?

Along these lines...check out this youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

Homeostasis of Stuff

love this shirt!  have owned for more than one year!

I have discovered that getting rid of items, stuff, junk, even things you really liked, is easy.  What is hard is not replacing them. 

I sold a bunch of my tank tops to a local consignment shop, and relegated a few t shirts to my pajama drawer (really: a white t shirt when I hang out with a toddler all day?).  So, I went to that same consignment shop to go buy more tank tops--pretty ones, feminine ones.  Came home with some great shirts at great prices. 

And then my drawer was full again.

Well, some of the shirts are difficult to breastfeed in.  Steve informed me that he didn't like a few of the others.  So I sorted through all my shirts, and selected stack to sell to the consignment shop. 

And my drawer is kind of empty again.  And I was convinced that I needed to go shopping, because I didn't have enough shirts anymore.  Thankfully, I thought about this a little bit more, and decided that if I still feel like I don't have enough shirts in a few weeks, then I can go shopping.  It is like I am used to have x amount of whatever, and so when I have less than x amount, even when that was thoughtfully and deliberately done, it feels...uncomfortable.

orange nursing tank top September 2011

Of course, I have plenty of shirts.  And I still wear the same 5 ones over and over.

I try to enact the "one in, one out" rule.  But I have fallen into a trap of minimalism: if I only have a few of something, be that mixing bowls, bath towels, tank tops, or socks, then they need to be the perfect ones.  They have to be exactly what I want; clothing needs to exquisitely reflect my style and taste.

In Oregon, the rain jacket is standard attire

Now for some things, this makes sense.  If you only have a few pots and pans, then you need to have what you use: no sense in having a double boiler if what you really need is a sturdy stock pot.  But if you have the 5 qt pot with steamer baskets, is it necessary to also own the 6 qt stock pot?  Maybe it is; only you can know that.

But clothing has become an issue for me.  Which is kind of funny, because clothing never used to be my "thing."  Ask my sister; she deplored my selection of clothes every morning in high school.  In college, I routinely wore the same four pairs of pants, the same 6 long sleeved t shirts, and the same black fleece jacket to class.  And I seriously never thought twice about it, and I don't think anyone else did, either.

I have had good reasons to buy new clothes: none of my pre-baby clothes fit post-baby.  It took me ages to lose the baby weight.  I am now under my pre-pregnancy weight.  All of these do, in my mind, necessitate, or at least validate, wardrobe editing.



orange nursing tank top July 2012

I have to come to accept that at any given time, my clothes may not perfectly project "me" because "me" changes.  And just because I do own fewer clothes/shoes/purses than the average woman in America, does not mean that I have a right or need to go acquire more of those items.  I am learning to let empty space be ok.  I am learning that just because I am not full, does not mean I am not satisfied.  I am learning to be content with "enough."

Ditching the to do list

likes to steal my hats, August 2012

I like having a clean house.  I like it being dusted, swept, wiped down, sanitized (within reason) and clutter-free on a regular, frequent basis.

I also have a toddler.  And yes, I could have a dusted, swept, wiped down, sanitized, clutter-free house on a regular, frequent basis.  But in saying yes to those things, I have to say no to so much more.

And I am tired of saying no.  I am tired of being frustrated with Rachel when she wants to make putting the blocks away into a game.  I am tired of losing my temper when she "helps" me sweep, and succeeds only in spreading the sand over the floor even more.  I am tired of staring guiltily at my chore chart, which mocks with its clean, uncrossed off surface.  Even more, I detest how stressed I am when 4:00 rolls around and the only thing to "show" for my day is that I made the bed, there are beans in the crockpot, and my mixing bowls are strewn all over the house. 

silly game! Aug 2012

I had told Steve a month or so ago that any given day, I could accomplish 1 of 3 things.  Either the house was clean, or I got enough rest and sleep, or Rachel had a great, playful day.  None of those could coincide.  And you know?  That's awful! 

Because what kind of person, woman, or mom am I teaching Rachel to be when I snap at her for unloading the dishwasher that I am loading?  When I feel like a failure because I haven't wiped down the counters in 3 days?  When I delay, distract, and even, shamefully, ignore her when she asks to nurse, or play, or read a book? 

Now, some things just have to happen.  And that's life.  I have to hang the clothes on the clothesline.  She doesn't like waiting while I do that, and shows her displeasure by taking the laundry out of the basket and throwing it on the lawn.  Dishes need to get washed (she likes helping with that).  I make the bed everyday, and water the garden almost everyday, too.  And there are many other things like that.  I am not advocating living like a slob and just saying "oh, well, I have a toddler, you know."

Sometimes I wonder how much further I can lower my expectations for my to do list, without abandoning my principles entirely.  So two nights ago, I took down my chore chart.  It is now hidden in a closet.  I still know what needs to get done that day.  I do have a little pad of paper that I write down things to do, like grocery shopping, make bubbles, respond to email from mom, etc.  But there is no master list.  There is no tangible way for me to judge my success or failure for the day.

stacking blocks on the cat

Which is a very good thing.  Because raising attached children in a gentle, respectful way is all about the intangible, unmeasurable things.  Hugs, kisses, silly games, nursery rhymes, playdates, swimming, chasing the cat, potty training, learning to say "frog"--all of those, and especially the attitude with which I do them--those are the most important things in my life.  

brushiing Benny the Beaver's teeth

I still intend to keep a moderately clean, decluttered house.  But my priority is raising my daughter.  I can always sweep the floor later.  But connecting with her is often a now-or-never proprosition. 

Contentment is a Learned Art: Hair!

shampoo + hairpins July 2012

You know what is super hard to find?  A woman who is thrilled with her hair--her natural hair.  I'm talking about just the hair on her head.  It seems that our hair is too thin, too thick, too grey, too blonde, too dark, too curly, too straight, too frizzy...or not blonde enough, not brown enough, not short enough, not long enough, not highlighed enough, not wiry enough...

Therre are myriads of ways to overcome your hair's natural tendencies, and coerce it into doing what you want.  But I have found that badgering my hair into my ideal of Perfect Hair takes a lot of money, time, and chemicals, which are three things that I am no longer interested on wasting on my "do".

In college, I had my hair highlighted blonde a few times.  But my hair was long...and thick...and wow, did it take forever of sitting in that chair for the job to be done well!  I liked how it looked, sure, but not the price tag attached to it.   Then I bought a straightener, but used it less than 50 times in 4 years.  We just sold it on Ebay for $75, and I am glad to be rid of one more thing in the bathroom drawers, and $75 in the black.  I threw out my old bottle of hairspray, and gave away my big hair clips and curly styling brush.

I have a wonderful hairdresser, and she says that one reason she likes her job so much is that she "loves making people feel pretty."  I know that I like feeling pretty, and that my hair is definitely part of that equation.  Thankfully, I am now content letting a simple shampoo and some hairpins do the trick. 

There are some things about my hair that I'm still not keen on.  But I refuse to despair or fight to change those things any longer.  It is quite liberating to be content with the hair God has given me!